so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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