You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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