Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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