I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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