Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
