Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
