Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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