walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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