we have pet lesbian snakes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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