So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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