cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
