The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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