In the future we'll all be gay
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
