I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
