Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
