Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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