I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
