What a fucking waste of an outfit
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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