She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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