that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
