u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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