I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
