I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Blood and glitter go together right?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
