Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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