very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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