I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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