I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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