She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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