Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's rum buckets o'clock
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
