Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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