I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
