you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
