Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
