Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
