dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
