i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
