Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
