I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
