my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
