So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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