I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
