I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
