this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
