She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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