I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
