so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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