you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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