I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's blow job season.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
