The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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