he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
