did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
